This is Part 2 of my contribution to the sage and insightful discourse related to feminism over at Jamie's blog. Part 1 is here. For me, being half a generation or so older than Jamie, the discussion isn't so much about myself anymore per se, but about my girls.
What messages are my choices sending them? What advice would/should/could I give them, based on my own circuitous path to grownup womanhood? What do I hope/wish/pray/dream for them? Homeschooling mom of double-digit numbers of kids? CEO of a major corporation? Consecration to religious life? All of the above? Okay, well, maybe the nun thing is kinda mutually exclusive with the others, but I digress...
Recently, I have been delighted to get to know "Melissa," a friend and fellow homeschool mom who is expecting her fourth child at age 25. Talented, energetic, gregarious, mature, and faithfully living her vocation as a Catholic wife and mother, Melissa met her husband because he became smitten with her beautiful voice when she was the cantor at church one Christmas Eve. They got married when she was 19 (he is a few years older than her and had already established his career). She had started college at the time, she told me, but quit when she got married, figuring that, as they hoped for a large family and planned for her to stay home, there wasn't much point in finishing her teaching degree. She got pregnant on her honeymoon, and now has three adorable children with the fourth on the way.
I must admit, when I first heard this sweet story, my first instinct was to sign up my daughters for voice lessons right away. And wouldn't that just be a next-generation pendulum swing from my mom's advice to me to "work, work, work; achieve, achieve, achieve," in order to have an accomplished professional career? Is Melissa's path preferable--or not--to my own path of career in 20's, marriage and babies in 30's, raising big kids and spending all the money from my 20's while in my 40's? :)
What, then, do we tell our daughters? Is it better somehow to get going early with wife- and motherhood? Is career achievement important too? How does service--peace corps, mission work, volunteering--fit in? And, all kidding aside, how can I help them discern whether a religious vocation might be God's plan for them?
After all, our ultimate goal is eternal life with God in heaven. Our ultimate happiness doesn't lie with our achievements or relationships or self-fulfillment or checking adventures off a "bucket list" while we're on this earth, at all.
Taking that as a starting point, I know exactly how to advise my daughters: The key to a happy life--on this earth and forever after--is knowing and loving God. Everything else--work, family, vocation--just follows from that.
Again, I'm back to "vive la difference," because each of us must prayerfully find her own path. As far as advising my children, I will try to at least be aware of how my own experiences color my perspective, so that I can avoid imposing any of my own regrets or deferred dreams upon them. My goal is simply to help them love our Lord, and learn to discern and follow His plan for them, which will lead to perfect happiness forever.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11
