Feminism Part 1: Can't We All Just Get Along?

So I'm finding the discussion on feminism over at my dear friend Jamie's blog so interesting, I'm just gonna write about it. How any woman could not define herself as a "feminist" kind of escapes me, although I suppose it all depends upon one's definition of "feminism." And there's the rub, right? "Feminism" is constantly redefining itself, and it hardly means the same thing to any two people. Without consulting Webster, I'd like to take the good things that I associate with feminism--equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunities--and define myself as a feminist based on those.

As a girl growing up mostly in the 70's and 80's, mostly in Texas, mostly surrounded by traditional families of the day, I certainly got a lot of mixed messages about what I could and should do with my life.

"Don't be the nurse, be the doctor," was the message I always got. "You can be anything at all, Kim," my mom, a secretary with a business degree who quit work when she was pregnant with me, would say wistfully. "Don't ever think that boys are smarter than you or can do anything you can't." (What did I want to be? Different things: a mommy, a flight attendant, a journalist, an editor, President of the United States. At least one of them came true!) But in my twenties, when I embarked on a pretty fast-paced consulting career and parted from my long-time college boyfriend, my family got nervous. When I finally got married and "settled down" at age 30 (whew!), they all breathed a BIG sigh of relief. At my wedding, I promise you that no one in my family cared one whit about my decade-long successful career for which they'd encouraged me to strive. It's all about grandbabies, right? :)

In my family (as Jamie knows VERY well!), we're definitely, deliberately traditional--almost comically so, given that Bill and I started out as peer business colleagues. To me, traditional roles are liberating, not oppressive. Each of us, in our own way, is working his* bum off for the other. And you know what? It seems clear to me (and not just because I'm typing this by the pool while the kids swim--JUST KIDDING, I'M NOT!!!!) that women are definitely getting the best end of the deal in our society. Within their individual socioeconomic constraints, women really can do anything--big work, small work, big parenting, small parenting, all of the above in any combination--whereas men haven't yet really achieved the same degree of societal acceptance for the same constellation of combinations that women have.

My best friend Ashley is a seriously accomplished doctor, with an amazing career, and her husband is an attorney. She took off about two months when each of her two darling girls was born, and each of them started "school" (i.e., "daycare") quite early in their lives. Her girls are gorgeous, accomplished, happy, amazing--and proud of their mom.

It's incredible--and funny--how different my life at home with my five munchkins is from Ashley's. Is my way better? Sure--for me. As hers is for her. Can Ashley's or my parenting be measured solely based upon our career choices? Hardly!

My advice to anyone considering career/motherhood/childcare issues is simple: Know Thyself. (Simple to say, not so much to implement.) As Ashley says, "Would it be better for my girls to have me at home, frustrated and unfulfilled?" Um, no. And on the other side, could I stand to be sitting in some conference room while someone else spent the day with my babies? Well, it depends on what I'm wearing--do I get new business clothes? KIDDING AGAIN...

Day care is not evil. Not using one's graduate degree to its fullest maximum potential is not a crime. Letting your husband get away without changing diapers in the middle of the night (or not!) is fine, if that's the way you want to divvy things up. Just wait--he'll take his turn, just when you need it most. Trying things one way, discovering that you want something different, and changing things around is okay too. Honestly, I've never understood why stay-at-home moms and "business mommies" (my term, soon to be copyrighted) have such conflicts. Everybody's different, for crying out loud.

Douse the flames; I'm keeping my (nursing) bra on.


*My pronoun usage, like my marriage, is quite traditional.

Getting Ready for the Draft

NFL scouts, are you watching? WWD's been looking good at Packer camp this past week!

Hitting the Links

This summer we have three junior golfers in the family. They love it so much! I can hardly believe that WWD has already been golfing for FIVE summers. We're expecting great things, guys...

Homeschooling: Here's the Scoop

It took me a long time to finally decide to homeschool.  Back in about 2006, I spent a whole year reading everything I could get my hands on about day-in-a-life stories, homeschooling approaches, learning styles, various curricula, and on and on.  That was a year of intense analysis, not to mention the years leading up to that year, during which I thought about it from time to time, talked to my close friends who homeschooled, etc., etc.  So it was hardly a spur-of-the-moment decision. 

When I was doing all that research, I remember wishing that I could read the story of a family for whom homeschooling didn't work, and why not.  I didn't find any of those.  Maybe now we are one of those families?  Not really, which is, in a way, why it was a hard decision.

I love homeschooling, and I hope I'm not done with it yet.  I felt called to homeschool, I really do believe that it's been God's will for our family, and I know for sure that our past two years together have enriched each of our lives beyond measure.  Of course, there's a lot more to it than the academics; it's a whole way of life, of being "family-centered" and working together to make our home--well, a home.  To me it's a big deal to spend all those prime waking hours together, and not to just see the kids quickly as they dump out their backpacks before rushing off to soccer, then quickly again as I hurry them off to bed.  I wouldn't trade our year of all being together when MPD was born and Grandma moved up from Texas; I can't begin to imagine how much all the kids must have learned--in their hearts, not just their brains--from all that stuff we did together.

I remember thinking, a year or so ago, that I couldn't imagine anyone not being called to homeschool; I honestly thought that to choose otherwise would be, for me anyway, choosing not to give my family my best efforts.  But you know what?   Now, really and truly, I'm sure that I am being called to not homeschool. 

Believe me, I tried not to like the kids' school; I just couldn't help it.  The school is hardly perfect--it's good, not perfect--but God has given me such peace about this decision that I'm just sure it is right for each of us, in so many ways.  Each of the kids is thriving so much, in the ways they each specifically need to.  WWD is working hard, with deadlines and specific expectations that he can't negotiate away, and he's building his organizational skills more than he could at home.  MRD is getting the order, and structure, and variety, and the social butterfly garden that she needs.  KLD's tantrums and tummy aches have gone away, and now that she's not constantly comparing herself to her quite-a-bit-older siblings, she's feeling pretty good.  I think JPD will love going to school with the big kids next year--two days of school per week will be just right for him.  And I don't think it will be a bad thing at all for MPD to have his mommy all to himself for a bit of time next year.

Speaking of "mommy," here's the thing:  I am being called to Do Less.  Less, less, less.  Peace.  Order.  Quiet.  Margin.  Focus.  You know--less.  It is totally against my nature--I always do way too much--but I suspect that that's part of the point.  Perhaps God is doing that pruning thing, so I can bear more fruit? :) (John 15:1-8)

It's been hard for me to reconcile in my head that homeschooling was right last year, and not homeschooling is right for now, but I think that is exactly what's going on.  Things are just sort of unfolding, and my challenge is to discern the path, and stay on it.  It's like we're on this roller-coaster adventure, and I have no idea what God has planned for us next.  But it's all good, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Retro Thursday

I can't resist putting up some of my favorite photos from years past, so I'm going to start doing "Retro Thursday."  My sweet babies are growing so fast!

Here's KLD, circa 2004, in front of our old house. 

Circa June 20, 2009. :)
I love you,
sweetie!

Marital Bliss

Last night I got to go to an Evening of Recollection for women at our church--always a highlight of my month, when I can make it, and last night was especially so.  I wish I could share more of the great points the priest made--I keep forgetting to bring a notepad--but I did note a few good reminders on effective communication.  I always need a reminder on this, as it's something I struggle with so much!

1. Always bring grievances out into the open.  (This one is so hard for me!)

2. Do not magnify minor annoyances. (Does this one contradict #1?  :) Hard to tell--that's my problem!)

3. Always make the meaning of your words clear.  Never attempt to read more into a remark than is truly intended.

4. Avoid angry words and bitter statements.  Once words get out, it's hard to get them back.

5. Never let bitterness carry over to the next day. (I frequently violate this one as well...goes with #1.)

6. Keep disagreements between yourselves.

Other people, even our spouse, are not perfect and we should never expect them to be.  We will never find our ultimate happiness in other people, after all, no matter how wonderful they may be!

Meaning Yes through Our Obedience

"Obeying God is not an abstract program or meant for only exceptional occasions; on the contrary, it is the daily fabric of Christian existence. Each time we welcome a good inspiration, we are obeying God; each time we say no to the "will of the flesh," we are obeying God. There is no moment, no action, in a believer's life that cannot be transformed into an act of loving obedience to the Father. All we have to do, with a little recollection and concentration, is to ask ourselves: What does the Lord want me to do at this moment, in these circumstances?"

~ Fr. Raniero Cantalamessa, O.F.M. Cap. (preacher to the papal household)

Soccer Girl

KLD, I love you so much I would do anything for you...even sit and watch you play soccer when it is blazing hot or freezing and sleeting (there never seems to be any in-between)!

What a great season and a sweet team! 

And this guy--a total soccer star wanna-be--only shows up for the after-game treats, but he shows his spirit by always wearing a full uniform!

Peace

"Worry? Never. That's to lose your peace."

~ St. Josemaria Escriva

Olympic Hopefuls Again

Next up...the swim season!  Here are a few pictures from our first swim meet last Saturday.

Nothing like a rainy, 60 degree morning to kick things off...

 

Gotta love action photos:

 

 

 

 

 

If one pair of goggles is good, two must be better, right?

 Of course, it's all about looking good.

 

 

 

 

The blue-ribbon relay team!

The Graces of Corpus Christi

                             

"Jesus makes himself truly present in the Eucharistic Mystery, which is renewed on every altar.  His is a dynamic presence that takes hold of us to make us his, to liken us to him.  he attracts us with the force of his love, bringing us out of ourselves to be united with him, making us one with him.

The Real Presence of Christ makes each one of us his "house" and all together we form his Church, the spiritual building of which Saint Peter speaks...

'Come to him, to that living stone, rejected by men but in God's sight chosen and precious, and like living stones be yourselves built into a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.' ~ 1 Peter 2:4-5"

~ Pope Benedict XVI

Gymnastics Show Week

  

We're pretty sure the USA Olympic team scouts have their eye on us...

Never Look Back!

Darling, you can't expect me to keep writing in the same blog from last YEAR? Impossible! Party of 7 was--how to say it--perfection itself, for last year.

But now I'm the mother of a 5th grader! JPD is almost reading! MPD is running around! There's no homeschooling going on around here anymore! (Well, sort of.)

That old blog's day is past, darling. In with the new. This is where it's all happening now.