My neighbors think I'm nuts. Again and again it seems that my children are the ones taking out the garbage, watching their little brothers, helping in the yard, helping clean out the garage, or shoveling snow out of the driveway (they've yet to complete the driveway alone, though). The neighbor kids, at least, think our kids have it pretty bad over here!
I promise you that there's more going on with this than just Bill & I taking advantage of slave labor--well, most of the time, anyway!
My parenting philosophy is all about chores. I think chores--better than anything else I know--help develop responsibility and self-esteem for children. Also, as someone who made it to age 30 without so much as the ability to make pancakes, I don't want my kids to grow up as spoiled, self-centered, and inept-at-household-tasks as I did!
The esteemed John Rosemond is one of my parenting heroes. A proponent of super-traditional parenting, his books are full of wise anti-advice. (Anti-advice="Trust your own instincts. Parenting is easy.") From his book A Family of Value*, here are some reasons why chores are critical for kids:
1. Participation in the work of the family confirms the child as a valued member of the family. The more responsibility a child accepts, the more status he has in his parents' and siblings' eyes. With more responsibility comes more opportunity to participate in family decision-making and other grown-up stuff.
2. Chores help children internalize the principle of give-and-take, which is the centerpiece of every workable social contract and provides children with an understanding of social accountability. Each person in the family relies on each other person to pull his weight. This builds self-esteem, of course.
3. Chores enhance the value of the family to the child. They are a means of bonding the child to the values of the family. Just as contribution of time or effort to a local charity is evidence the contributor shares in and wants to support the values the charity represents, a child's contributions to his family cause the child to bond with the family's core values.
"We have to work as a team," I'm always saying. "Many hands make light work, and then we can do something fun together." No doubt they're rolling their eyes behind my back, but...tough. It's good for 'em!
This is all related to having a big family, you know, although of course the principles work no matter how many kids you have. In a home with lots of siblings and a busy mom (me), it's impossible for me to over-coddle my kids or make things all about any one of them. And I really do need their help.
I'm always working to strike a balance with this, of course, because I love each of them beyond belief with every fiber of my being and I would love to spoil them to death just for fun, but just like giving them nutritious food instead of candy all day, I have to parent according to my principles and not what just feels good, right?!? So...my guys are bringing in the empty garbage cans and clearing the breakfast dishes and supervising their siblings. It's all part of being a family, I say.
Plus then I get to blog while they're unloading the dishwasher, right? :) JUST KIDDING...
*If you want to check out just one book by John Rosemond, I recommend New Parent Power, which combines a couple of his other books and presents his core ideas quite thoroughly.
I love John Rosemond, too! He is from our area and I've gotten to hear him speak in person a couple times, which was a treat!
ReplyDeleteSounds excellent! Have you read the Geek book?
ReplyDeleteTo Pam: I got to see John R. once too when he came to Lake Forest to speak. He is great--my favorites by him are chores, parent-centered family, and anti-TV (one more too that I can't think of right now).
ReplyDeleteTo CSD: I have been on the library wait list FOREVER for the geek book, since your post about it, and I am so looking forward to getting it! Should I splurge and just buy a copy? Like you I am totally anti-TV and I'm feeling an anti-video-game post coming on soon... :)
I too usually get books from the library, but I bought the Geek book. It is mostly an affirmation for doing what you already do, but kind of a nice one to have on hand.
ReplyDeleteI still LOVE having cable gone!
I have the geek book, too. Bought used off Amazon. I actually just started it today and then saw your commetnt about it. I would buy it, as it looks to be a book you may want to refer back to.
ReplyDeleteDo you think 17 months old is too young to start chores? I don't! Liam has a toy broom, and he adores the vacuum. He "helps" me sweep- which usually means I make a pile, he sweeps through it, and then we start all over again...but that's ok. It's the priniciple, not necessarily the execution that counts. So, I totally agree with you thoughts on chores. Chores=engagement in family group=responsibility=self-esteem. I know that even in my large family, my dad tends to try to do everything. Becauase of this, many of my brothers and sisters (and me too in the teenage years), tended to shut down and take on a "why bother" attitude. I'm certain that self-esteem issues as adults were partially due to this (not that we can blame mom and dad anymore...). Anyway, so I appluad your stance!
ReplyDelete